Alex will always be the baby...

I didn’t intend to take the rest of the week off, because I’m already going to be gone for two whole weeks beginning Saturday, but I’m so glad I stayed home with Alex and that I won’t be leaving him here in misery all day. Today he is sick, going on day 5, I’ve been counting since the day the doc started him on antibiotics. I thought he was better yesterday, so I sent him to school, but that was a mistake and it made him even worse. He was up in the middle of the night with a fever, throwing up. That’s hard to see, as most moms can attest to. I can never tell when he’s fully recovered because he rarely complains, even when he is really, really ill. Yes, I mean it. Alex never complains. He’s a good kid. He finally grew out of his off the wall hyperactivity, sin medication, and he is pretty much a normal 15 year old!  Yesterday he said, “Mom, tu eres guapa!” And I gave him a big hug and asked where he was learning Spanish. He said there’s an app for it on his phone and he has already spent 45 min. learning new phrases. Yay! He makes me happy.

I can’t tell when he’s 100% better though, since he seems to bounce back quickly. There was this one time, while we were living in Germany and he was seven years old, that he had been coughing for a couple of days. I thought it was a typical chest cold. He had a slight fever, which I didn’t pick up on, so I didn’t know he was fighting an infection of some sort. I had him dressed and ready for football: pads, helmet and all. On the way out the door he began coughing so much that he was having difficulty breathing. I noticed how scared he was, so I knew then that I needed to call the emergency line on post. They sent a German ambulance, with their own German doctor and all! Alex was rushed to the hospital and we found out that he was suffering from pneumonia: the strain of pneumonia that causes permanent tissue damage if not treated quickly. Yes, it’s not that big of a deal to hear “pneumonia” these days, because everyone seems to have had it, right?? I mean, I haven’t, but many people have; but if you imagine how many deaths pneumonia causes in children and the elderly, it’s nothing to shake a stick at. His case of pneumonia was treatable through antibiotics, which were given to him intravenously.  He stayed in the Amberg, Germany hospital for 7 days. Were the German’s just too careful or something? A week is a long time! I don’t care, either way. They took excellent care of him, fed him well, and treated him kindly. His classmates sent cards and games for him to play. He was kept busy the entire time. Plus, his big brother’s friend happened to be in the hospital, on the same floor, that same week. I have always been worried though, since he was told he may have susceptibility for pneumonia for the rest of his life! That’s such B.S.! Since then he’s had it three times!

I always feel empathy for my children when they get ill, and I always do a good job of taking care of them (at least I think I do); but when Alex is sick I worry a little more, and then I let my natural anxieties about all the devastating possibilities that could arise with a sick teenager kick in. Not that he’s statistically at a disadvantage, but all the same, every time I hear of a mother losing her son or daughter to an accident or illness, I tell myself ‘I’m no different than she! I could suffer like her, just the same.’ I think all loving mothers feel this way, but some of us ponder over it longer than others – not good. Once in awhile, like now for instance, I have to stop and think ‘why do I baby my 15 yr. old so much? I know he’s “the baby” but I believe I baby him even more than I probably should. I didn’t baby the others as much as I baby him. Then I think of all the times he’s been in and out of the hospital ER, not because it’s our favorite place to be, but because he has suffered from numerous ear infections, bronchitis, chest colds, and all sorts of respiratory problems since the day he was born.  I’m starting to think he has a weak immune system! He has blood work in already, so I guess we will find out about all that technical stuff when he goes back to the doctor.

My other kids used to get on me all the time about treating Alex better than I treat them. I still disagree. It wasn’t a matter of them having any less attention from me (and definitely not a matter of them getting any less money or trips around the world), it was a matter of them being much older than him. Then, to add to that, it was always them against us: Julia and Mitch vs. Mom and Alex.  This went on the whole time my husband was deployed, each time. In reality they created the divide; I just didn’t know how to bring it back together. Growing up was the best thing that my kids could have done for themselves! HA!

I also remind my now grown children that the reason Alex was praised over and loved so much when he was born was because I thought I was not going to have the Alex that exists today.  When I was pregnant, my early ultrasound detected a deficiency in his growth. They also saw that he had Arachnoid cysts growing on his brain stem.  I was told that I was going to have a severely retarded child. I went in for my seven month check up and met with a specialist. The doctor put my options out of the table: including terminating the pregnancy at 7 months. I was confused and devastated, because how could a brilliant doctor who spends his as an obstetrician, have it in him to think to end the life of a fully grown baby…just because it was going to be born retarded.  That was a scary final 8 weeks of pregnancy! Fortunately, I believe whole heartedly in the power of the Priesthood, so I had a Priesthood blessing from my husband and my home teacher. I was fully expecting to have a severely mentally retarded baby when Alex was born, but what came out was a perfectly wide eyed baby boy! Ugh anyone who ever lay eyes on that baby used to tell me how beautiful he was! This is before he turned into a terrible toddler, of course. Then he was a handful. But as I tell Alex, often, “you were lucky to get all of the good genes out of your dad and all the good ones out of me….minus the acne.”

 That’s why I’ve always been smitten by my baby boy, who is now 15 ½ years old. Yep, and any mother of a brand new baby, especially the baby of her babies, can actually agree: they will always be the baby! 

It's all History

For the previous posts I've made, let me just say this: it's all history. I mean, I want to make peace with the problems of the past. The people I was most worried about decided to pull their heads out of the clouds and actually do something proactive to protect their assets. I'm so glad about that! And as long as subject A is no longer a risk for subject B, things will be fine and dandy. I won't stick my nose anywhere else, and I'll let bygones be bygones. Oh, but I'm not deleting anything. Simply because it's important to learn from mistakes. At least from someone's mistakes -whether it be mine, theirs, yours, whatever! We learn. Then we move along. I would just like to move forward. Movin' on up, to the top! 🎶 That just made me think of that show. I love the Jefferson's!
DON'T WORRY, FAMILY!  I AIN'T SAYING ANYTHING NEGATIVE FROM HERE ON OUT! ...maybe except that I really hate to blog! Not that I hate to write, and I don't hate sharing TMI either. I also don't hate to use lots of exclamation points!! What I do hate is to think about how much time I've missed between posts! It's been a year. Daaaaang...I've been doing other things. Lots of good, lots of bad, but mostly good! I've been writing for other purposes. Put it that way.


So my grandma passed away on New Year's eve. She died Dec. 31, 2014, but you know something, it was technically Jan. 1st where I live, because I'm in the Eastern time zone, and she was in the Pacific, and she died late at night, so my idea that she'd stick around until the 1st of 2015 is partially right. At least from my perspective. It doesn't matter though. She was ready! My grandmother was amazing! She had it covered. She took care of it all: her death plan, obituary, burial plot (although she was cremated),  funeral plans, estate plans, she did it all! The only thing left to do was for my father and my uncle to sign a paper here and there. Aside from that, grandma did all the work!  She even left a bunch of boxes with my name on them. It was beautifully written on the side of each box: Erika. Those were for me. :) They were the family photos I'd been asking for, for years! I flew back to Kentucky from Washington state with five full suitcases of family photos and ancient documents! (using that term facetiously) They are pretty old photos. Some are from the 1800's! I...love...them. I do. I'm fascinated by them! It's absolutely riveting to look at all those pictures. It's indescribable, seeing those images of my dear ancestors. I owe my life to them, and to those who came before them. So I choose to cherish those photos, and to make use of them. I want to start a giant project. I'm going to start scanning and preserving all those pictures so that I can share them with my family. I like to use thislife.com to store pictures because I like the timeline feature, which makes it easy to scroll through. Anyhow, that's what I'll be doing all summer! Scanning and documenting pictures of dead people. Many, many dead people.

A sphincter says what?

'Nuff Said 

The never...endingingalingaling story!!

Last time I wrote...

I left off describing some of the high-anxiety adventures with the in-law's last fall; there was this problem that occurred when my sister-in-law married a man that proved to be...mmmm...for a lack of better words UNREAL! That may be taken literal. The reason I resorted to a big fat mouthy blog was because I had to be heard. HAD to! Things were getting out of hand and no one seemed to care! You could say that I was blogging for justice's sake, the only way for justice to be served. Here's how I see it, and how it should be understood (in case you're wondering why the hell I even care about this ridiculous situation altogether).  For starters, let me remind you that my husband and I tried to take this "personal" situation directly to his folks, because they were the ones who will ultimately be affected by Mr. Carbis' plan. I'll call it his "Estate Plan." Let me recap: the first few red flags that popped up were really what got the ball rolling.

Had he not sent this nasty little text to his ex-wife, maybe I wouldn't be so inclined to call him out on it! 

1. The cell phone plan belonging to Andy's mom, which his sister also shares (shared? who knows anymore) full control of the account (parents are too trusting sometimes) was changed and extended, unbeknownst to Andy's mom, when his sister added her new husband and step-son to the account, along with some upgrades to her two children's phones; this made it impossible for my mother in-law to change her phone plan when she wanted to switch carriers. What's worse is she had no idea that this was going on until the moment she was standing at the phone company trying to cancel her service! They were like, "no, you owe such and such amount". WHAT? I didn't like that too well, even if she's not my mom. It's just not right, ya know?! Yep! First smoke signal. 
2. The pick-up truck that Andy's dad left behind for J. to drive, for whatever reason, while they traveled the U.S. by RV (yep, parents are too trusting sometimes!!) was damaged while J. was driving it. Instead of J. fixing the damages himself, which he of course caused, Female J asked her father to fix the truck so male J. would have something to drive. Mind you, they are across the country at this point. Orange-colored smoke right there! Last word was that the a tie-rod was busted, the frame completely bent out of alignment, the entire drive shaft: differentials, gear-box, etc..destroyed. WHO DOES THAT to someone else' truck?! THEN expects someone else to fix the damages?! A real man wouldn't do that.. How could J. even think that my father  in-law would buy the story that he was hauling a load to the dumps when suddenly the truck broke down? Ummm, no. 
3. The house that J & J are now living in belongs to the her folks. Yes, the in-laws gave the newlyweds a nice little (rather big) set-up, thinking it would help the value of the house while they were away; rather than it sitting vacant for a year +. The situation turned fishy when these little lovebird "renters" started labeling the house the "Carbis Estate"! I don't know about you, but I have never called a rental property, nor my own parent's property, my own personal estate. That just seemed really wrong bad to my husband an me. J.J.'s have no intentions of ever leaving the Carbis Estate! When they signed a lease with my in-laws they were signing for a total of 5 people, one dog, one cat. J. knew in advance that he was going to end up moving his poor mom into that house, he just hadn't told female J the plans yet! The thing is, male J. lives off of his mom's social security and retirement. He "takes care" of her, because she has "Alzheimer's". When it came down to the wire, J. knew he wasn't going to move his mom into a nursing home (as he had previously discussed with J). He gave female J the sob story that he could no afford the cost of keeping her in a nursing home, therefore she had no other place to go. Gee, how convenient! Had my in-laws known that J. would be moving his poor mother into the laundry room they would have NEVER agreed to renting the house to them. To add to it, there are 2 dogs, and 3 cats...maybe even more. It was a classic J. move. As of last weekend, he told his ex-wife and her husband that he has already purchased that home. When she told him that she spoke with Andy and Erika, who made it clear that he had not purchased the home, J. replied with, "They just don't know. I bought this house in April". ..What does that tell you? He's telling his ex, the mother of the guy that lives with J., that he already purchased the house! This clearly states that J's intent it to never move from that home. He will pull all the stops to sabatoge the sale of that house! In his sociopath mind, he has the rights to that home. It is HIS estate.
4. The stories that J. has provided as reasons why he cannot work are ultimately impossible to believe. The story goes like this: J. served in the Marine Corps, sent to Iraq (possibly said Afghanistan), was injured by an RPG in war, had shrapnel in his head, close to a part in his brain that could, at any given time, cause an aneurysm and/or sudden death. He has traumatic brain injury, making it so that he cannot be upset, because it will cause his blood pressure to rise and he could die of a heart attack or stroke. Plus he has a conditioned caused by TBI that creates the inability to regulate his body temperature, that was a first for us! Never heard of that one! He can't work outside because he may get too hot or too cold. To top it off, his story was that he is still waiting for the VA to pay him, and they are trying persuade him to go for 100% disability, but he's fighting that. Oh, yeah, riiiiight. Plus, he is still waiting to receive his benefits. HUGE SIGN THERE! At that point, Andy and I both knew he was throwing the biggest pile of horseshit he could swoop up and chuck. The VA does not run things that way. We've been working with the VA for years and we KNOW how things are run. 
5. Before I go any further I will say now that the truth has surfaced about the extent of J.C's military service.  Through extensive private investigation and through military records that can only be accessed by the Department of Defense, dating back to 1980, we know for a fact that J. C. has never served a day of his life in any branch of the U.S. military. I am stating this knowing that if there was even a remote possibility I could be wrong, J. could in fact sue me for defamation. However, I know that it is absolutely factual that J. never served and never will serve in the United States military. He is an enemy to the men and women in uniform. J. is more of an enemy to the U.S. military than the terrorists themselves. Why? Because terrorists have an agenda that we all know and understand. They are out to kill. They pull no punches. Kill or be killed. Then there is J. and the people like him. Dirty rotten thieves who steal valor! They are the worst kind. The lowest of the low. To steal a necklace, or a loaf of bread, even to steal a car is more redeemable than stealing valor from those who truly have earned it! Those men and women who have sacrificed their whole lives, even unto death, for this great country should not be shamed by men like J. . The men and women who are still living with the effects of war right now; those who fought and were injured in battle dishonored by the likes of J.C. Finding out that J's whole existence has revolved around the lie of his military service really made things personal for Andy and for me.
6. The beauty school incident. Girls Girls Girls. Apparently he could not keep all those cute little sweeties out of his hair! They were "always flirting with J, they just think he is so cute!" I'm including that statement to show the kind of person he is. 'Nuff said. My daughter went to that same beauty school, and according to her , those girls called J a "creepy old fat guy."
7. The crazy ex-wife. This one really bothers me. Now it would naturally appear to an outsider that a woman who lets her kid live with her ex, move him from one state to another, gives someone else full control over the well-being of her child, etc. must be an uncaring, irresponsible, selfish mother. It would seem. However, due to an extensive background investigation into the past of J, I was personally able to meet his ex-wife Amanda and really get to know her. She is a kind, well to-do, humble woman who was clearly had by the same man who has won over my sister in-law. How can this happen?! Well, he preys on women who are in a vulnerable situation at the time. In Amanda's case, she was a divorcee' with a handful of children, very overweight at the time (although she is lookin' great today!) and who's self-esteem had gone down the drain...all it took was for a man to come along and tell her all the things she wanted to hear, making her feel like she was the only woman in the world, worth a million bucks, wine and dine her (even if it's with his mom's $$), tell her he has great plans to "take care of " her, you name it! That's all it took. It worked for awhile. After J's arrest and subsequent time in jail, Amanda's son (J's step-son by marriage, not legal dependent) was beginning to show signs of a "troubled teen", he was, after all, at the most complicated time in a young man's life. He had a lot of anger towards his own mother, perhaps because there was no father figure in the home, perhaps she had difficulty holding the position of mom and dad simultaneoulsy,, maybe it was because Amanda didn't allow her son to do whatever the hell he wanted, therefore he felt (as all teens do) unhappy being bound by typical rules. Whatever the case, Amanda put her son before herself and allowed him to move in with J' his mother. She knew that her son would have an easier time getting along with a man at that moment in his life. She saw that the school in Montana made her son very unhappy, even depressed, and she saw that her son was starting to improve his grades at his new school in Washington. She didn't want to take him away from that. So in short, she granted permission, which she did not have to do by any means, for her son to live with J. It was very hard for her, but she did it because she loves her son! Come to find out, the birthday cards that Amanda had been sending her son never reached him! The last time she sent a card she was sure to save the receiept from the $100 gift card that she included in the Birthday Card. When her son never received the gift card she went online to check if it had been activated. Surprise Surprise! It was registered under the name of J.C. Yes, he had thrown away Amanda's card to her son, stolen the gift card inside, and was stupid enough to register it in his name!!! Amanda requested a printout of the transactions from the Visa Co. and was able to see that the money was squandered at places here and there. The grocery store, gas station, etc. At that point, Amanda filed a report with the Cheney Police Dept. They may or may not do anything about this, but it's just not right that a man can get away with theft, even if it's little petty thefts here and there! It all adds up!!!
8. What is he doing for a job? He has opened a page on FB called "Spokane's Breaking News" He sits at a computer all night, listening to a police scanner, and reporting everything as it comes in. He told female J that he has a paid job for the Spokane News...yeah like THAT's going to pay. And truthfuly, what is he doing ALL night on the computer? How many people is he scamming, so tha the can bring in some type of income? He already stole from his own brother, his brother's own IDENTITY!!? Steals form his family...you can't put anything past this man!
9. I'm about done for the day, but please go back through my posts and ready about the MAFIA! In short, he claimed that he was in the Mafia, which led to his arrest, and therefore he is a felon...female J believed it all, hook, line, and sinker! The mafia!? Puh-lease! He had been the financial adviser for the big guy, I never found out which Mafia though, dang that would have been something if he had even lied about WHICH Mafia he was involved in. But you know, being Mafiaoso you have to be careful who you talk to. Anyway, he had to take the wrap for some bad checks, and got busted and went to jail. Female J told it to her mom and dad, and...they...bought..it! I literally cried when I realized they were so easily duped. How disappointing! So, they no longer felt that what Andy was telling them would be valid, even though Andy would never, nor has he ever, accused anyone of anything unless he was absolutely sure because of factual information. 
10. Hacking accounts! His ex can no longer get an account with Paypal or Ebay because J had accessed her profiles, set up fake sales on Ebay, had the money sent to a paypal then took the money without sending a product to the people. Not to mention I have a picure of his dick that he posted on the net. And he has solicited prostitiution on Craigslist, which his ex-wife had found through his inbox while they were still married. He has used family members names/social security numbers to keep his electricity turned on, because when he couldn't pay he would just jump to the next person and open an account in their name. The list goes on and on...not to mention he never paid his half of the rent to his ex-wife's mother while they were living in her house. The set-up he has at my in-law's house is eerily similar to the set up he once had with his ex-wife! And the woman he was with before Amanda!! This man is a parasite!!
11. PURCHASES his college degrees online! Yep, you heard it! You can buy diplomas online, did you know that?! J. C. did!!! 

By the way, I decided to put his name out there publicly because he is still living a lie, not sure which of all, but still some, that is factual. His troubles are not over, so I would like to issue this statement to Mr. Carbis, his wife or any family members that consider me malicious or evil for doing this:

People like J. do not have the capacity to change. They pretend they are better, that they're different now, but statistically they never change, they just move on from one person to the next. I'm sure it is very difficult of my in-laws to swallow that their daughter is being duped by a con-artist. A sociopath, lying, bilker who had already caused issues in the lives of other women in his past, and was just moving on to the next perfect target, which happens to be their daughter! The single, overweight mother, trying to make ends meet. He showed her all the pookie pookie wuv, showering with gifts and compliments out the ying-yang, and sickly stickiness and gooeyness attention ever needed to woo her, and of course...it worked! She married the guy! Did we know he was a criminal at the time, nooooo; she knew, but the rest of us did not. And to what extent she knew...no one knows but her. She isn't the type of person to really be personal with anyone, nor go into much detail about her life, so we will never know. However, we DO know that she definitely kept her parents in the dark about everything that might ever be construed as negative, because 1. They were moving into her parent's house, and 2. She of course wants to put out a perfect image of her life, I mean who wouldn't, right?! I'm not saying that I expect anyone should publicize their issues (although I'd be the first to do so) but I do think that a real person, who desires real and truthful relationships should communicate truth and reality, wouldn't you agree? Especially when it comes to dealing with your parents! The same parents who have been providing for you since for so many years of your adult life (and your children, and so on..); here I'm making generalizations, but they pertain to this case as well.

Well, that's a wrap. For today! 

#Meat, #Identity, #Theft, #IdentityTheft, #Bad In Law, #Who the Bleep did I Marry

He was a Mafia Man, would you know it!?

Well, my in-laws called to tell us that they had learned of something new about the guy (their son-in-law) which would bring a whole new light to the story.  Would you know it?  He was in the Mafia!  That's right, the mafia.  Another good ol' mafia story!  What a sleaze.  My sister-in-law is already a co-dependent so it's no surprise she'd be carried away in the delusions.  But I was actually surprised when my in-laws believed every word they heard about him.  They said, "you don't even know ___, and we do."  Reality is you don't have to know someone to know they are a liar.  Andy and I have no regrets and we'd expose him in a minute all over again if we had to, because he is mooching off of his in-laws now.  How convenient he gets off parole and marries the next lady who will take him.  I'm sorry for her.  I really am.  But whatever!

I guess the ex-mafia member had to run away from New York to Montana so he could break away from the mafia family. With no place to go, nothing to live off of, he was forced to resort to using his brother's identity to open an account in his name...just to survive!  What a brave man!  O my gosh..how many times has he been married?  Three or four?  Doesn't matter.  He was a mafia man! HAH!!! 

The entire line of B.S. that my sister-in-law relayed to my father-in-law, which was told to her by her husband, before they were married, when they went on their 2nd date.  This is so outlandish!!  SO far fetched!  Well, I suppose it's true, Andy's sister can do no wrong, she has always been the perfect child and her happiness is of the utmost importance to their parents that they are willing to do anything to keep her happy.  Including believing in someone who is a fraud, so that she will keep her happy living the lie.  They want so desperately to believe anything that she says, that all logic has been left behind.  Not even their own son's pleas for better judgement would get them to think about it! 

Talking to a parole officer is not going to get you any information, let's just put that out there.  How easy is it to be introduced to someone's parole officer during routine visits?  Well, parole officers meet people's girlfriends every day.  So just because she went into town to talk to his parole officer doesn't mean he gave her a complete listing of the guy's criminal background.  Especially about his "mob family"!  Which mob family by the way?  Actually a real parole officer will not divulge any information other than "yes, he's' done time and no he won't kill you."    

Alright, this is so ridiculous and frustrating after listening to his parents insist that he's wonderful.  Now he's probably going to be a hero to them since he's graduated from the mob.  They believe 100% in the lying buffoon's mafia story, I had to leave the room for a minute because I was broadsided by the reality that Andy had not been exaggerating all these years!  His sister does have them wrapped around her little finger. 

Mark my words.  There will be some broken hearts in the future!  I don't know how far down the road, but the man can't live a lie forever.  Maybe she can be added to his stack of divorcee's.  

What caliber of a man is this? ...a loooooow caliber man

THE LETTER states:

2:12pm

I'm glad you felt it your duty to put your nose in to business you neither understood, or belonged in, and have put such a strain on my marriage, and my wife's relationship with her family. As you know full well, Jen has been aware of my past since we began dating, as has Katie, but you knew that, so you had to move on and scare her parents. Why? Because I previously blocked you when you pried into my life last time? We both know what you are, who you are, and what a horrible person you are. I've heard stories from those close to you, that I'm certain you wouldn't want shared, but i don't do that. However to keep peace for Jen, I'm moving out of the house, and letting her repair her relationship with her parents. This is not her choice, she doesn't want that, but I don't want to cause damage to her family, and I'm the obstacle to that. Thanks again for being a manipulative bitch, sticking your nose where it didn't belong, and for knowing a half a story before you pass judgement. How very Christian of you.

I WONDER WHY HE IS DIRECTING THIS AT ME? ALSO, WHY WOULD SOMEONE SO QUICKLY JUMP OFF THE HANDLE LIKE THIS IF THEY WERE INNOCENT? AND PRYING? HA!!! HERE IS THE SUPPOSED PRYING I'VE DONE IN THE PAST!

MY LETTER STATES:

Erika Steen

Hello, I'm glad to know that Jen has been happily involved in a blissful relationship with you! I hope to make it to the wedding, whenever that may be.

Just as a little heads up...I was checking your page, you might want to remove the recent "likes" on instagram that post to your profile! Unless of course she's cool with that...LOL

>That was the extent of my "prying!" It was more like informing him, kindly. Ok buddy, someone has sensitivity issues.

The duties of the informed.

Writing is the best outlet for getting things off your chest.  It is for me anyway.  I love to write about all the things on my mind because I don't like to talk about the things that deeply disturb me.  So when I write about them, and know that others are reading, it helps to know that others can see things from my point of view.

I've been needing to write about the latest things in our lives. I may be wrong about some of these things, doubtfully, but all the same this is my time to explain my perspective.  I'm going to use bullets for each topic of concern.

• THE BOYFRIEND TURNED HUSBAND

My sister-in-law started dating this man about 2 years ago, maybe more, maybe less; either way it ended up in a lawfully wedded union.  The family was entirely happy for her, as she had been single for many many years before meeting her husband online.  She couldn't have been any happier, and truthfully, she deserves a good man in her life, because she's a good woman.  But there was just something that seemed amiss about her new beau, and I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.  Therefore, very recently Andy and I got ourselves involved in a situation that definitely caused hurt feelings, but it was an inevitable situation indeed.  I will admit that one or two of these scenarios would seem like a petty reason to start distrusting someone, but the little scenarios kept coming along -and, well, we realized that this pile had become too big to ignore.  Just for the record weren't even searching for things, they just happened along our way.

• THE EXHIBIT

Let me start with the first encounter, online, that I had with the new brother-in-law.  I'm going to call him Tim.  Yeaaaaah, Tim.  Tim Biscar.  So anyway, I added Tim to Facebook and he accepted me as a friend. Yay!  He seemed like a nice guy.  He seemed to hold a lot of the same political views as I do, too! So double Yay!  Then I noticed somethings that would appear on my news feed, from Tim's Facebook activity, and let me tell ya, I don't think it was appropriate at all.  Tim has a Pinterest account.  There is a way to link the Pinterest account to the Facebook account so that all activity, anything that one posts or "likes" on Pinterest will also appear on the Facebook wall.  Also, if one "likes" a pin on Pinterest, it will post to the Facebook wall.  Tim happens to be the kind of guy who will publicly "like" improper, immoral, foul, dirty, whatever you want to call it, images on Pinterest.  When that showed up on Facebook I thought it was a bit inappropriate for two reasons.  One = it is disprespectful to my sister-in-law (whether she realizes it is or not), and Two = he also has my niece and daughter on Facebook as well.  I think he should be a bit more discreet if he's going to be looking for those things online, and not make it obvious.  So I wrote him an email.  It went something like, "Hi, I know how happy my sister-in-law is with you and I'm happy for both of you! Just want to make a suggestion, your Pinterest account posts all activity to your Facebook account and I can see some inappropriate images that you have "liked" on Pinterest, so maybe you might consider removing the images."  Swear to high heavens that's the gist of the little email!  The next day, instead of Tim saying anything about it, he deleted me.  That set off a red flag right there.  Instead of saying, anything at all, he thought it would be better to eliminate the spy.  Yes, I believe he was a bit paranoid at that point.  Then when I came into town from across the country I was invited to a delicious dinner at my sister-in-law's house, I was expecting to meet her fiance', but he was "busy" that day...Definitely avoiding me, because he would have surely felt akward after the Facebook incident.  

• THE BEAUTY SCHOOL

Julia and Corey started beauty school at the same place Tim was already attending.  Frankly, it was because he had talked it up so much to them and they were sold.  Shortly after they started, Tim quit beauty school.  Julia thought it was kind of funny that he always bragged that the young girls were always ogling over him and flirting with him.  He's 41ish years old by the way, and well overweight, so whatever it was that those 18-20 year old girls saw in him is a mystery to me.  Maybe he sprays himself with Axe! That's supposed to attract the ladies for miles around -or something like that. But, alas, Tim's fabrication was just a little fantasy of sexy little hairdressers leaning against him and throwing themselves all around.  Julia and Corey would point out that whenever Tim wasn't at school the girls would talk crap behind his back and say that he is a "Creep".  HELLO!? A CREEP?! Red flag!  You've got classmates calling you a creep, dude.  And it's at a beauty school, nonetheless!  A 40-something year old heterosexual man attending cosmetology school.  Red Flag!  Go ahead, have a difference of opinion, but real men work real men jobs!  I withhold that statement towards any owner/operator of beauty schools and baber shops/ salons, by the way.  At that point they are either teachers or business men.  And as you will all see, there is a reason Tim had aspired to be a hairdresser, even though it didn't pan out.  

• THE TRANSITION 

Upon retirement my mom & pop-in-laws made a wise choice to sell/get rid of most of their belongings and move into their motor home so they could live as vagabonds, traveling for as long as they could stand it.  But there were some quirks they needed to work out before they released themselves into the wild.  They still have two pieces of property left back home in Washington State.  They had to rent out the smaller home that my newlywed sister-in-law had been living in for the past 15+ years, and allow her and her new husband to move up to their big home so they could be one big happy family renting it from them.  That's a pretty cush deal for the newly married couple!  It's a beautiful home!  Unfortunately, the amount of work my dear father-in-law had to put into that house before they headed out on the road was extraordinary, and it was all for the sake of the newlyweds.  My father-in-law immediately went to work on small repairs, some maintenance, and perfecting some things that really weren't that crucial for HIM to do, at least it wasn't something that the new renters couldn't attempt to do on their own- after all, it is her parents who are generously allowing her and her husband to rent their home.  So, Tim and his boy, Jane (which I will call my sister-in-law) and her two children all moved into the home.  Red Flag!  My imagined question from me to my sister-in-law.  "Why would you have your father do all of these extra repairs and maintenance on the home that he is generously allowing you to move into (probably without a security deposit and without first and last months rent like a real land lord would require), and why is it NOT your husband doing the work instead?"  I mean, I would expect MY husband to take initiative and do his own repairs so that his parents could get on the road already!  See, Tim and Jane were insistent on having small fixes done around the house before they could move in, and it was kind of annoying to my in-laws that the cost kept piling up on their end.  Haven't they done enough?  Sorry if that sounds offensive, audience, but they have carried her through, practically supporting her and her children from the time they were babies.  The evidence shows that she could have not done it on her own.  Sure parents can help and it not be so weird, but how long should parents be maintaining their grown child's lifestyle before it gets to be ABnormal?  I think once you're in your 30's and beyond, especially when you're a married couple, you should be at least financially and mentally set enough to make it on your own.  You should no longer require the help of your retired parents!  Sorry, it's THEIR time to live now. So, call me old fashioned, but a man should know how to do home maintenance, and a real man doesn't idly stand by while the retired father-in-law does all the work.  Fact: my husband would NEVER allow my father to do all of the work on our house, especially when it's a home we're renting from him.  Example, whenever we visited the family cabin my husband made sure to do at least something to contribute to the upkeep, without being asked or told. 

• THE PHONE BILL

We went to the wholesale store to find a new phone for my mother-in-law, then as she was setting it up the gentleman told her that there was an outstanding balance on her account.  It was over $400. She knew she had paid her bill on time.  She's an accountant, she always pays her bills on time.  But due to the lack of time she didn't argue, she squared up the debt and we left with two new phones. One for her, one for my father-in-law.  Still, she was curious.  So with no further adieu, she called the billing department and learned that the delinquent bill was the result of...you guessed it...Tim and Jane!  I don't even have the full story on that, but I know enough to know it's not right.  They added, how many..like 4 extra lines to my in-laws contract.  It's my in-laws who are legally responsible for paying the bill, and it's going to be pretty expensive every month, so if the the Barcis' don't pay, it's Andy's mom and dad who get screwed with the bill.  Makes me mad just thinking about it!  Now, why in the world did they not pay their bill in the first place?!! And on top of that, their excuse of "oh we would have to have a big deposit because our credit is so bad so we need to be under your contract" is offensive, because anyone can go to their nearest Wal-Mart and purchase a NO-CONTRACT phone, pay month to month and not give a single name or number.  The problem is, they know the phones at Walmart aren't as nice as the ones you get under contract, AND if they happen to fall short of money one month....well, mom and dad can pay it.

• THE TIE-ROD

Who, in their right mind, while borrowing their in-law's truck, breaks it and expects the folks to fix it?! Who would allow their wife to even call her parents to ask if they would fix it?  I know that if it were MY dad's truck, and my husband busted it, he would not allow me to call....he would stop me from calling my dad and asking him to fix it.  He would fix it himself!  Plus, it's a tie-rod!  What does it take to break a tie-rod? Hitting something hard, like a curb, pot hole, jumping it, anything delinquent.     

• THE MUG-SHOT 

For some reason my mind would not rest until I looked him up on the internet, and as my gut declared, there was a mugshot of him, and a record stating three separate occasions of identity theft.  One was using his brother's social security number to open a bank account.  This was not that long ago, I'm afraid.  Now that the cat is out of the bag, he is hiding from us all.  He has blocked us all on the social network sites, even his mother-in-law who is allowing him to live in her house. WHICH reminds me. Funny how he claimed to come from Montana to live with his mom in Spokane so he could "take care of her" yet once he got married and moved out with his wife, his mom is back to living under the same circumstances she was before.  Maybe it was more like he moved to Spokane so his mom could take care of him.  

• THE TURNING A BLIND EYE

I called it!  I knew that the folks and the sister-in-law would see Mr. Tim Barcis aa a celestial being.  He can do no wrong.  It's so easy to ignore the obvious when you don't want to fathom it could happen.  I made a phone call to the other sister-in-law to ask if she was aware that Tim had been in prison for a federal offense.  Her response was yes.  I then asked her if mom and dad knew Tim had been arrested and had done jail time.  Her response was, "no, and I don't think it's worth going there" because she was under the impression that it was something "really big that had to do with computers," otherwise "Tim was a good guy"...By the way..I'm so tired of hearing "he's a good guy"... HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S A GOOD GUY?  I told her I don't believe he is.  She then tried to inform me that "yes he is a good guy"...Hmmmm, so how is he a good guy?  Other than him telling people that he's a good guy, what else shows that he is? Is he providing for his wife and children?  Or, does his wife still rely heavily on the help of her parents?  Was he HONEST and UP FRONT with my in-laws? Frankly, if you are NOT an HONEST GUY, you are NOT a GOOD GUY.  I told her that I wasn't going to tell them about his criminal record, and I didn't.  But Andy did!  It was Andy who was the first person to be frank with his parents, stop covering up the B.S.  If his sister doesn't want to have any responsibility to her folks, then that's her call.  It's not her credit she has to worry about, it's not her money in the bank or her real estate, and if it were any different, say his big sister was living in her own house with her husband, and they weren't on mom & dad's phone bill, had access to mom & dad's bank account, took care of all of mom & dad's finances when they weren't around, etc...if she wasn't involved than Andy would have NO desire to get involved.  At that point it wouldn't be his business.  But since his parents are directly affected, it is his business..   But Andy has watched soldiers get taken for a ride by their own parents who stole their child's identity.  Their own parent stole their identity.  As Andy put it, when you steal someone's identity, especially your own brother's identity, it exhibits a certain moral flexibility that makes him question his motives.  It will never be easy to trust that person again.  That's why Tim went to beauty school, it's one of those careers you can have without going through a background check.  Especially if you do it out of your own basement.  

• THE VA BS

Honesty is always the best policy.  It's not going to be easy to attain 100% disability that he claims the VA or military is trying to force him into.  No military doctor, or social worker, or counselor will EVER try to coax you into claiming 100% disability.  That's the story Tim gave to our family, though.  Actually they do the opposite and try to keep you from getting a high disability rating.  It's their job.  So if he's 80% and tries to get 100%, it's going be very difficult.  Rationale shows that Tim doesn't actually want to work, or rather he can't work in any career that he would actually enjoy, due to his past indescretions.  So to cover up his motives he tells people that he would really like to work, therefore he is refusing to accept the 100% disability that the VA is trying to shove down his throat.  By the way, if you have any experience with the U.S. government you know that this is a crock of...schtuff.  If by chance he actually does succeeed in attaining that 100% disability, well he's already set the stage for a good cover.  "I didn't want it but I have to have it." Kind of like the girlfriend who lies about being pregnant until you get her pregnant.  Same technique.  

• THE EX AT THE WEDDING

Something-something about Tim's ex-wife driving clear from Montana on the wedding day to supposedly ruin the wedding.  There's always two sides to every story.  From what I've gathered, she was there to collect her 17 yr. old son who has been living with Tim for the past couple of years. She ended up waiting at the police station while the wedding was going on, and at the end-of-the-day never got to see her son.  What was the real reason she came to town?  She is already happily engaged to another man, so it wasn't to take back Tim.  Was she warning the family of something?  You can never tell when you only hear his side of the story.  

• THE MAIL MAN

I think it's a definite concern that the mail is still going to the house where Tim has complete access to any and everything that hits the mailbox.  Instead of forwarding all mail to my in-laws, Tim and Jane took it upon themselves to start opening their mail and scanning it into the computer, then emailing it to our folks.  Which means he's reading everything.  I would not feel comfortable doing that for anyone.  There is too much risk involved when you are dealing with someone else's personal information, even if its your own parents.  No thank you.  

• THE ESTATE

What thoughts might come to mind if you were to see a picture posted by a friend on Facebook which showed his beautiful wife resting on a nice sofa after watching the ball game, and it had a caption about her taking a nap, then the location was marked on the map and named the "such-and-such Estate"?  In my case it would say "the Steen Estate".  In their case it said, "The Barcis Estate"..you get the picture.  Anyhow, you would probably look at that as 'oh how cute, they have such a nice home, they are home owners!'  But if you knew they were renters, then calling it the "estate" might be a little awkward.  I mean, I've never called a rental home "the Steen Estate", because that implies ownership.  Now you're probably saying to yourself, 'it's just an expression, like calling it an abode.  And the "Estate" thing as a mere expression of their house that they love and share, like calling it the "Steen Sanctuary" or something like that.  Actually, sanctuary would have been much better in this case because calling it the "Barcis Estate" just put up another RED FLAG!  Sorry bud, but this goes way beyond what the eye is willing to see.  However, it is through my cultivated senses that I am able to discern otherwise.  Nowww...what if you knew that the person who was renting had been in prison for identity theft after stealing his own brother's identity?  Would you think it was so cute that he called his in-laws home and property the "Barcis Estate"?  You may have had the same reaction as Andy.  "What the hell?"  And my quixplanation is: the subconscious mind of Tim exhibits his true intent for the house he just inhabited.  Speaking plainly he has already claimed his prize.  He knows that his wife has access to all of his in-laws personal information, she may even be the legal executor of their estate, which would make a heck of a lot of sense that he calls it the "Barcis Estate".  But Andy and Erika have learned through many frienship's and enemyships over the years that being skeptical is the safest way to protect yourself and your family.  Andy will not standby and watch his parents be taken for a ride.  As his words clearly state, "I will not stand by and watch my parents be taken advantage of.  I will not watch as they lose everything they have ever worked for their entire lives.  I will make sure of that."  Soooo, I'm not sure of his plans yet, but I will say that we have many resources at our fingertips to protect the people that we love.

• THE ENDING

Andy made a statment regarding all of this, "Men see things differently than women do. I see it like this. The phone bill was like, wow..that's not cool.  Then the truck was like, what the hell?  And finally, calling my parents home your "Estate" is over the top.  I will no longer sit back and allow my parents to be taken for a ride."  He's not putting up enough smoke in the mirrors for people like us.

There will most likely be another chapter to this story....so please standby!