He was a Mafia Man, would you know it!?

Well, my in-laws called to tell us that they had learned of something new about the guy (their son-in-law) which would bring a whole new light to the story.  Would you know it?  He was in the Mafia!  That's right, the mafia.  Another good ol' mafia story!  What a sleaze.  My sister-in-law is already a co-dependent so it's no surprise she'd be carried away in the delusions.  But I was actually surprised when my in-laws believed every word they heard about him.  They said, "you don't even know ___, and we do."  Reality is you don't have to know someone to know they are a liar.  Andy and I have no regrets and we'd expose him in a minute all over again if we had to, because he is mooching off of his in-laws now.  How convenient he gets off parole and marries the next lady who will take him.  I'm sorry for her.  I really am.  But whatever!

I guess the ex-mafia member had to run away from New York to Montana so he could break away from the mafia family. With no place to go, nothing to live off of, he was forced to resort to using his brother's identity to open an account in his name...just to survive!  What a brave man!  O my gosh..how many times has he been married?  Three or four?  Doesn't matter.  He was a mafia man! HAH!!! 

The entire line of B.S. that my sister-in-law relayed to my father-in-law, which was told to her by her husband, before they were married, when they went on their 2nd date.  This is so outlandish!!  SO far fetched!  Well, I suppose it's true, Andy's sister can do no wrong, she has always been the perfect child and her happiness is of the utmost importance to their parents that they are willing to do anything to keep her happy.  Including believing in someone who is a fraud, so that she will keep her happy living the lie.  They want so desperately to believe anything that she says, that all logic has been left behind.  Not even their own son's pleas for better judgement would get them to think about it! 

Talking to a parole officer is not going to get you any information, let's just put that out there.  How easy is it to be introduced to someone's parole officer during routine visits?  Well, parole officers meet people's girlfriends every day.  So just because she went into town to talk to his parole officer doesn't mean he gave her a complete listing of the guy's criminal background.  Especially about his "mob family"!  Which mob family by the way?  Actually a real parole officer will not divulge any information other than "yes, he's' done time and no he won't kill you."    

Alright, this is so ridiculous and frustrating after listening to his parents insist that he's wonderful.  Now he's probably going to be a hero to them since he's graduated from the mob.  They believe 100% in the lying buffoon's mafia story, I had to leave the room for a minute because I was broadsided by the reality that Andy had not been exaggerating all these years!  His sister does have them wrapped around her little finger. 

Mark my words.  There will be some broken hearts in the future!  I don't know how far down the road, but the man can't live a lie forever.  Maybe she can be added to his stack of divorcee's.  

What caliber of a man is this? ...a loooooow caliber man

THE LETTER states:

2:12pm

I'm glad you felt it your duty to put your nose in to business you neither understood, or belonged in, and have put such a strain on my marriage, and my wife's relationship with her family. As you know full well, Jen has been aware of my past since we began dating, as has Katie, but you knew that, so you had to move on and scare her parents. Why? Because I previously blocked you when you pried into my life last time? We both know what you are, who you are, and what a horrible person you are. I've heard stories from those close to you, that I'm certain you wouldn't want shared, but i don't do that. However to keep peace for Jen, I'm moving out of the house, and letting her repair her relationship with her parents. This is not her choice, she doesn't want that, but I don't want to cause damage to her family, and I'm the obstacle to that. Thanks again for being a manipulative bitch, sticking your nose where it didn't belong, and for knowing a half a story before you pass judgement. How very Christian of you.

I WONDER WHY HE IS DIRECTING THIS AT ME? ALSO, WHY WOULD SOMEONE SO QUICKLY JUMP OFF THE HANDLE LIKE THIS IF THEY WERE INNOCENT? AND PRYING? HA!!! HERE IS THE SUPPOSED PRYING I'VE DONE IN THE PAST!

MY LETTER STATES:

Erika Steen

Hello, I'm glad to know that Jen has been happily involved in a blissful relationship with you! I hope to make it to the wedding, whenever that may be.

Just as a little heads up...I was checking your page, you might want to remove the recent "likes" on instagram that post to your profile! Unless of course she's cool with that...LOL

>That was the extent of my "prying!" It was more like informing him, kindly. Ok buddy, someone has sensitivity issues.

The duties of the informed.

Writing is the best outlet for getting things off your chest.  It is for me anyway.  I love to write about all the things on my mind because I don't like to talk about the things that deeply disturb me.  So when I write about them, and know that others are reading, it helps to know that others can see things from my point of view.

I've been needing to write about the latest things in our lives. I may be wrong about some of these things, doubtfully, but all the same this is my time to explain my perspective.  I'm going to use bullets for each topic of concern.

• THE BOYFRIEND TURNED HUSBAND

My sister-in-law started dating this man about 2 years ago, maybe more, maybe less; either way it ended up in a lawfully wedded union.  The family was entirely happy for her, as she had been single for many many years before meeting her husband online.  She couldn't have been any happier, and truthfully, she deserves a good man in her life, because she's a good woman.  But there was just something that seemed amiss about her new beau, and I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.  Therefore, very recently Andy and I got ourselves involved in a situation that definitely caused hurt feelings, but it was an inevitable situation indeed.  I will admit that one or two of these scenarios would seem like a petty reason to start distrusting someone, but the little scenarios kept coming along -and, well, we realized that this pile had become too big to ignore.  Just for the record weren't even searching for things, they just happened along our way.

• THE EXHIBIT

Let me start with the first encounter, online, that I had with the new brother-in-law.  I'm going to call him Tim.  Yeaaaaah, Tim.  Tim Biscar.  So anyway, I added Tim to Facebook and he accepted me as a friend. Yay!  He seemed like a nice guy.  He seemed to hold a lot of the same political views as I do, too! So double Yay!  Then I noticed somethings that would appear on my news feed, from Tim's Facebook activity, and let me tell ya, I don't think it was appropriate at all.  Tim has a Pinterest account.  There is a way to link the Pinterest account to the Facebook account so that all activity, anything that one posts or "likes" on Pinterest will also appear on the Facebook wall.  Also, if one "likes" a pin on Pinterest, it will post to the Facebook wall.  Tim happens to be the kind of guy who will publicly "like" improper, immoral, foul, dirty, whatever you want to call it, images on Pinterest.  When that showed up on Facebook I thought it was a bit inappropriate for two reasons.  One = it is disprespectful to my sister-in-law (whether she realizes it is or not), and Two = he also has my niece and daughter on Facebook as well.  I think he should be a bit more discreet if he's going to be looking for those things online, and not make it obvious.  So I wrote him an email.  It went something like, "Hi, I know how happy my sister-in-law is with you and I'm happy for both of you! Just want to make a suggestion, your Pinterest account posts all activity to your Facebook account and I can see some inappropriate images that you have "liked" on Pinterest, so maybe you might consider removing the images."  Swear to high heavens that's the gist of the little email!  The next day, instead of Tim saying anything about it, he deleted me.  That set off a red flag right there.  Instead of saying, anything at all, he thought it would be better to eliminate the spy.  Yes, I believe he was a bit paranoid at that point.  Then when I came into town from across the country I was invited to a delicious dinner at my sister-in-law's house, I was expecting to meet her fiance', but he was "busy" that day...Definitely avoiding me, because he would have surely felt akward after the Facebook incident.  

• THE BEAUTY SCHOOL

Julia and Corey started beauty school at the same place Tim was already attending.  Frankly, it was because he had talked it up so much to them and they were sold.  Shortly after they started, Tim quit beauty school.  Julia thought it was kind of funny that he always bragged that the young girls were always ogling over him and flirting with him.  He's 41ish years old by the way, and well overweight, so whatever it was that those 18-20 year old girls saw in him is a mystery to me.  Maybe he sprays himself with Axe! That's supposed to attract the ladies for miles around -or something like that. But, alas, Tim's fabrication was just a little fantasy of sexy little hairdressers leaning against him and throwing themselves all around.  Julia and Corey would point out that whenever Tim wasn't at school the girls would talk crap behind his back and say that he is a "Creep".  HELLO!? A CREEP?! Red flag!  You've got classmates calling you a creep, dude.  And it's at a beauty school, nonetheless!  A 40-something year old heterosexual man attending cosmetology school.  Red Flag!  Go ahead, have a difference of opinion, but real men work real men jobs!  I withhold that statement towards any owner/operator of beauty schools and baber shops/ salons, by the way.  At that point they are either teachers or business men.  And as you will all see, there is a reason Tim had aspired to be a hairdresser, even though it didn't pan out.  

• THE TRANSITION 

Upon retirement my mom & pop-in-laws made a wise choice to sell/get rid of most of their belongings and move into their motor home so they could live as vagabonds, traveling for as long as they could stand it.  But there were some quirks they needed to work out before they released themselves into the wild.  They still have two pieces of property left back home in Washington State.  They had to rent out the smaller home that my newlywed sister-in-law had been living in for the past 15+ years, and allow her and her new husband to move up to their big home so they could be one big happy family renting it from them.  That's a pretty cush deal for the newly married couple!  It's a beautiful home!  Unfortunately, the amount of work my dear father-in-law had to put into that house before they headed out on the road was extraordinary, and it was all for the sake of the newlyweds.  My father-in-law immediately went to work on small repairs, some maintenance, and perfecting some things that really weren't that crucial for HIM to do, at least it wasn't something that the new renters couldn't attempt to do on their own- after all, it is her parents who are generously allowing her and her husband to rent their home.  So, Tim and his boy, Jane (which I will call my sister-in-law) and her two children all moved into the home.  Red Flag!  My imagined question from me to my sister-in-law.  "Why would you have your father do all of these extra repairs and maintenance on the home that he is generously allowing you to move into (probably without a security deposit and without first and last months rent like a real land lord would require), and why is it NOT your husband doing the work instead?"  I mean, I would expect MY husband to take initiative and do his own repairs so that his parents could get on the road already!  See, Tim and Jane were insistent on having small fixes done around the house before they could move in, and it was kind of annoying to my in-laws that the cost kept piling up on their end.  Haven't they done enough?  Sorry if that sounds offensive, audience, but they have carried her through, practically supporting her and her children from the time they were babies.  The evidence shows that she could have not done it on her own.  Sure parents can help and it not be so weird, but how long should parents be maintaining their grown child's lifestyle before it gets to be ABnormal?  I think once you're in your 30's and beyond, especially when you're a married couple, you should be at least financially and mentally set enough to make it on your own.  You should no longer require the help of your retired parents!  Sorry, it's THEIR time to live now. So, call me old fashioned, but a man should know how to do home maintenance, and a real man doesn't idly stand by while the retired father-in-law does all the work.  Fact: my husband would NEVER allow my father to do all of the work on our house, especially when it's a home we're renting from him.  Example, whenever we visited the family cabin my husband made sure to do at least something to contribute to the upkeep, without being asked or told. 

• THE PHONE BILL

We went to the wholesale store to find a new phone for my mother-in-law, then as she was setting it up the gentleman told her that there was an outstanding balance on her account.  It was over $400. She knew she had paid her bill on time.  She's an accountant, she always pays her bills on time.  But due to the lack of time she didn't argue, she squared up the debt and we left with two new phones. One for her, one for my father-in-law.  Still, she was curious.  So with no further adieu, she called the billing department and learned that the delinquent bill was the result of...you guessed it...Tim and Jane!  I don't even have the full story on that, but I know enough to know it's not right.  They added, how many..like 4 extra lines to my in-laws contract.  It's my in-laws who are legally responsible for paying the bill, and it's going to be pretty expensive every month, so if the the Barcis' don't pay, it's Andy's mom and dad who get screwed with the bill.  Makes me mad just thinking about it!  Now, why in the world did they not pay their bill in the first place?!! And on top of that, their excuse of "oh we would have to have a big deposit because our credit is so bad so we need to be under your contract" is offensive, because anyone can go to their nearest Wal-Mart and purchase a NO-CONTRACT phone, pay month to month and not give a single name or number.  The problem is, they know the phones at Walmart aren't as nice as the ones you get under contract, AND if they happen to fall short of money one month....well, mom and dad can pay it.

• THE TIE-ROD

Who, in their right mind, while borrowing their in-law's truck, breaks it and expects the folks to fix it?! Who would allow their wife to even call her parents to ask if they would fix it?  I know that if it were MY dad's truck, and my husband busted it, he would not allow me to call....he would stop me from calling my dad and asking him to fix it.  He would fix it himself!  Plus, it's a tie-rod!  What does it take to break a tie-rod? Hitting something hard, like a curb, pot hole, jumping it, anything delinquent.     

• THE MUG-SHOT 

For some reason my mind would not rest until I looked him up on the internet, and as my gut declared, there was a mugshot of him, and a record stating three separate occasions of identity theft.  One was using his brother's social security number to open a bank account.  This was not that long ago, I'm afraid.  Now that the cat is out of the bag, he is hiding from us all.  He has blocked us all on the social network sites, even his mother-in-law who is allowing him to live in her house. WHICH reminds me. Funny how he claimed to come from Montana to live with his mom in Spokane so he could "take care of her" yet once he got married and moved out with his wife, his mom is back to living under the same circumstances she was before.  Maybe it was more like he moved to Spokane so his mom could take care of him.  

• THE TURNING A BLIND EYE

I called it!  I knew that the folks and the sister-in-law would see Mr. Tim Barcis aa a celestial being.  He can do no wrong.  It's so easy to ignore the obvious when you don't want to fathom it could happen.  I made a phone call to the other sister-in-law to ask if she was aware that Tim had been in prison for a federal offense.  Her response was yes.  I then asked her if mom and dad knew Tim had been arrested and had done jail time.  Her response was, "no, and I don't think it's worth going there" because she was under the impression that it was something "really big that had to do with computers," otherwise "Tim was a good guy"...By the way..I'm so tired of hearing "he's a good guy"... HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S A GOOD GUY?  I told her I don't believe he is.  She then tried to inform me that "yes he is a good guy"...Hmmmm, so how is he a good guy?  Other than him telling people that he's a good guy, what else shows that he is? Is he providing for his wife and children?  Or, does his wife still rely heavily on the help of her parents?  Was he HONEST and UP FRONT with my in-laws? Frankly, if you are NOT an HONEST GUY, you are NOT a GOOD GUY.  I told her that I wasn't going to tell them about his criminal record, and I didn't.  But Andy did!  It was Andy who was the first person to be frank with his parents, stop covering up the B.S.  If his sister doesn't want to have any responsibility to her folks, then that's her call.  It's not her credit she has to worry about, it's not her money in the bank or her real estate, and if it were any different, say his big sister was living in her own house with her husband, and they weren't on mom & dad's phone bill, had access to mom & dad's bank account, took care of all of mom & dad's finances when they weren't around, etc...if she wasn't involved than Andy would have NO desire to get involved.  At that point it wouldn't be his business.  But since his parents are directly affected, it is his business..   But Andy has watched soldiers get taken for a ride by their own parents who stole their child's identity.  Their own parent stole their identity.  As Andy put it, when you steal someone's identity, especially your own brother's identity, it exhibits a certain moral flexibility that makes him question his motives.  It will never be easy to trust that person again.  That's why Tim went to beauty school, it's one of those careers you can have without going through a background check.  Especially if you do it out of your own basement.  

• THE VA BS

Honesty is always the best policy.  It's not going to be easy to attain 100% disability that he claims the VA or military is trying to force him into.  No military doctor, or social worker, or counselor will EVER try to coax you into claiming 100% disability.  That's the story Tim gave to our family, though.  Actually they do the opposite and try to keep you from getting a high disability rating.  It's their job.  So if he's 80% and tries to get 100%, it's going be very difficult.  Rationale shows that Tim doesn't actually want to work, or rather he can't work in any career that he would actually enjoy, due to his past indescretions.  So to cover up his motives he tells people that he would really like to work, therefore he is refusing to accept the 100% disability that the VA is trying to shove down his throat.  By the way, if you have any experience with the U.S. government you know that this is a crock of...schtuff.  If by chance he actually does succeeed in attaining that 100% disability, well he's already set the stage for a good cover.  "I didn't want it but I have to have it." Kind of like the girlfriend who lies about being pregnant until you get her pregnant.  Same technique.  

• THE EX AT THE WEDDING

Something-something about Tim's ex-wife driving clear from Montana on the wedding day to supposedly ruin the wedding.  There's always two sides to every story.  From what I've gathered, she was there to collect her 17 yr. old son who has been living with Tim for the past couple of years. She ended up waiting at the police station while the wedding was going on, and at the end-of-the-day never got to see her son.  What was the real reason she came to town?  She is already happily engaged to another man, so it wasn't to take back Tim.  Was she warning the family of something?  You can never tell when you only hear his side of the story.  

• THE MAIL MAN

I think it's a definite concern that the mail is still going to the house where Tim has complete access to any and everything that hits the mailbox.  Instead of forwarding all mail to my in-laws, Tim and Jane took it upon themselves to start opening their mail and scanning it into the computer, then emailing it to our folks.  Which means he's reading everything.  I would not feel comfortable doing that for anyone.  There is too much risk involved when you are dealing with someone else's personal information, even if its your own parents.  No thank you.  

• THE ESTATE

What thoughts might come to mind if you were to see a picture posted by a friend on Facebook which showed his beautiful wife resting on a nice sofa after watching the ball game, and it had a caption about her taking a nap, then the location was marked on the map and named the "such-and-such Estate"?  In my case it would say "the Steen Estate".  In their case it said, "The Barcis Estate"..you get the picture.  Anyhow, you would probably look at that as 'oh how cute, they have such a nice home, they are home owners!'  But if you knew they were renters, then calling it the "estate" might be a little awkward.  I mean, I've never called a rental home "the Steen Estate", because that implies ownership.  Now you're probably saying to yourself, 'it's just an expression, like calling it an abode.  And the "Estate" thing as a mere expression of their house that they love and share, like calling it the "Steen Sanctuary" or something like that.  Actually, sanctuary would have been much better in this case because calling it the "Barcis Estate" just put up another RED FLAG!  Sorry bud, but this goes way beyond what the eye is willing to see.  However, it is through my cultivated senses that I am able to discern otherwise.  Nowww...what if you knew that the person who was renting had been in prison for identity theft after stealing his own brother's identity?  Would you think it was so cute that he called his in-laws home and property the "Barcis Estate"?  You may have had the same reaction as Andy.  "What the hell?"  And my quixplanation is: the subconscious mind of Tim exhibits his true intent for the house he just inhabited.  Speaking plainly he has already claimed his prize.  He knows that his wife has access to all of his in-laws personal information, she may even be the legal executor of their estate, which would make a heck of a lot of sense that he calls it the "Barcis Estate".  But Andy and Erika have learned through many frienship's and enemyships over the years that being skeptical is the safest way to protect yourself and your family.  Andy will not standby and watch his parents be taken for a ride.  As his words clearly state, "I will not stand by and watch my parents be taken advantage of.  I will not watch as they lose everything they have ever worked for their entire lives.  I will make sure of that."  Soooo, I'm not sure of his plans yet, but I will say that we have many resources at our fingertips to protect the people that we love.

• THE ENDING

Andy made a statment regarding all of this, "Men see things differently than women do. I see it like this. The phone bill was like, wow..that's not cool.  Then the truck was like, what the hell?  And finally, calling my parents home your "Estate" is over the top.  I will no longer sit back and allow my parents to be taken for a ride."  He's not putting up enough smoke in the mirrors for people like us.

There will most likely be another chapter to this story....so please standby!   

Here is some food for thought: You never know what crazy, random occurrence might happen which could ignite a “flashback” in someone who has bona fide PTSD…

Yesterday I was sitting on my laptop and I get a call from my husband. He says, “I’m coming home now”...well that’s earlier than expected. "Why cut it short today?" But he sounded pretty-shaken up, and I’m just not used to hearing him sound so vulnerable, and I thought he might have just finished hyperventilating....so then I got real concerned! Well it just so happened that he was driving through a school-zone in the afternoon, in Louisville. Traffic was stopped at a crosswalk as children were leaving for the day. The light was green, but there was a policeman that was acting as a ‘crossing-guard’, directing vehicles so the children could “safely” cross the street, etc. Problem is, the policeman wasn't holding a sign, or anything, like you know...a big red STOP sign! Of course the lights just kept going through the cycle.  Somehow, drivers are supposed to see the police-man’s hand with a fluorescent-green glove on it, and be able to read the tiny little stop-sign on his palm! It's a 4 lane street, mind you.  

Sure enough, an old man came cruising along, because the light was green you see.  At the same time, the policeman had just gestured to the children to come across the walk.  Andy noticed a little boy glancing up at the police-officer with an uneasy look on his face, like he didn't trust the situation. But the officer insisted it was safe, and told the kids to move forward. And of course, he being the authority, the kids just did what they were told.  Did the old man notice the little children heading across the street? Of course not.... Not until he was about a hair’s length away from running a small child over with his car, squishing him flat! The kid jumped back far enough, just in the nick-of-time, for the old man to skid to a halt without punting the kid 30 feet up in the air. The child looked to be about 7 yrs old and was pretty small. He lost his balance and fell to the ground when he abruptly moved back, so there is probably some scrapes he'll have to deal with, but what's worse is the fear the poor kid went through. Then there was Andy, sitting in his truck at the cross walk, watching the whole time. The abruptness of the commotion going on at that moment brought on a rash emotions that started to overwhelm him, and put him in a very uncomfortable place.

Now, I would have been a little jumpy after seeing something like that, but my emotions would have dissipated quickly, and I would have moved on with my day. 

That’s because I don’t have any traumatic experiences from my past which I might (subconsciously) associate to that event. I would not have encountered the same physiological triggers that Andy indelibly had, because my experiences were nothing like his, I don't have the imprints of a war on my mind. When I asked him what was going through his mind when he realized that he was having a "flashback", he said that he must have just panicked at the thought of that little boy being hit, because suddenly he felt helpless, sitting there about to watch a child lose his life. It reminded him of the impending doom that so many innocent people fell collateral to while he was in a war zone. He started seeing the faces of the children in Iraq that had been hurt, or killed, by explosives: mortars, roadside bombs, etc. It was that same emptiness, that same pit in the bottom of his stomach that he had when he saw something that was happening right before his eyes, but there was nothing he could do about it. He was unable to stop it, like his hands were tied behind his back. And it all came to him in a split second. A wave of anger overwhelmed him because he couldn't change the sequence of events. He wasn't able to control the situation in any way, so not only did he feel sick, he felt worthless. The images of the children he had seen in Iraq who were blown up by mortars and roadside bombs just flipped through his mind instantaneously, like flipping through a deck of cards. He remembered picking up their wounded, sometimes lifeless, bodies and transporting them back to the hospital. His Stryker quickly went from a fighting vehicle to an ambulance. Even though he was an infantryman, he had to play the role of ambulance driver. 'Oh man, I don't want to have to get out of this truck and see another dead child.' There is nothing that disturbs him more than seeing that. It's hard to imagine how all of these thoughts can come on to someone in a matter of seconds, but the mind (as they say) is a mysterious thing.

So it’s been, what, 5 or 6 years since he’s been to a war zone, yet he still gets thrown back into it from time to time.  It could be a sound, a smell, an image; any sensory mechanism can trigger a flashback. Seeing a child in the face of danger is a major trigger for him. He is a prisoner of circumstance.  

I’m going to assume that a halfway intelligent person can conceive there are many different jobs within the military, and not every job exposes the service-member to life-threatening elements. I also assume that the average person can conclude that not everyone who goes to war comes out with PTSD. The vast majority do not. The reason for this is not known, as there are many factors at-hand. One being that there is as stigma placed on soldiers who recognize PTSD and seek help for it. So many will never admit they have it; they'll just live miserably. Everybody's experiences are just as individual as the person.  

Andy is in no way the “stereotypical” war vet that society has pegged: like the guy who ‘freaks out’ and breaks things, or grabs a bottle of whiskey to drown his anxieties. All of that’s a crock!  I admit that Andy’s biggest advantage is having a wife that understands PTSD as well as I do, and that I encourage him to discuss it. Many have no one to talk to.

A very generalized criteria for diagnosis of PTSD......

Sethanne Howard and Mark W. Crandall, MD 

US Naval Observatory, retired, Wash. DC 

Reisterstown, Maryland

There are six criteria for a diagnosis of PTSD. (1) The person goes through or sees something that involves actual or threatened death or serious injury. The person responds to this with intense fear, helplessness or horror. (2) The person then relives this traumatic event through dreams, or recollections. He or she can behave as if the trauma is actually happening right then, and can react strongly to events that even resemble the original trauma. (3) The person tries desperately to avoid this, and to avoid anything associated with the trauma, in fact, may not even remember the trauma yet still react strongly to certain stimuli. (4) The person often has difficulty sleeping and concentrating. He or she may be hyper-vigilant. All this lasts longer than (5) a month and causes (6) significant distress in daily life.

Confessions and TV dinners...

TV dinners! You, like TV dinners? Do you even call them TV dinners anymore? Nom-nom trays of food. The frozen ones. They don't really taste all that great do they? But they fill you up! I think TV dinners somehow always make the list of intrepid inventions that will eventually take the blame for the breakdown of families in America. Trays of high caloric food substance materials...it's sad, but they do get a bad rap! O.K. I agree that it's not all that wonderful to sit with your family at meal time in front of a TV, all eating separate meals, everyone sitting alone behind individual 'TV trays'; no one facing each other, because you're all facing the screen -yeah, it's not the best way to bond as a family! But don't pick on the TV dinner! I will be the first to say (and I know I'm probably not actually the first to say) that there is no question about it, no denying, that the invention of  the TV dinner is absolutely, legen..."wait for it"...dary! So I stole that from Barney Stinson...You've got to imagine how fascinating that would have been at the time, to go from an old conventional way of living: cooking for hours, standing over the stove, pitting, peeling, mashing, boiling, trimming, tenderizing, marinating, frying, etc etc... just to make one meal, to the new, simplistic life =reaching into your freezer, pulling out a single tray full of food, popping it into an oven, and soon after you get a fully cooked, well balanced meal! Okaaaay, so not so well balanced, but at least it's one that had been previously wrapped, packaged, and frozen for our convenience! No wonder such a lifestyle was easily adopted! And that was even before the microwave was invented!

So, after all these many years, since the 1950's, fully cooked-frozen meals have never stopped selling! Look around, they're even selling more! Look at how many frozen food isles there are in the grocery store! Our appetite for quick fix food will continuously increase..Listen to this, I don't even like to have to wait the minute that it takes for my oatmeal to cook in the microwave! And waiting for my toast to pop-up! Boring! Silly huh!? It's true though, and that's why we buy pre-cooked, pre-packaged, frozen meals. It's the same thing as buying a TV dinner, though.  By the way, the name was changed from "TV Dinner" to "Frozen Meal" in the early 60's. I think it had to do with bad marketing. The critics were like, "you shouldn't eat in front of a TV with your family...not good", so they took the name TV off the label. BOO! I like TV in front of my dinner, or actually dinner in front of the TV. :) But that's only because my kids are mostly grown. I say mostly because I only have the one at home. We still eat at the table, for the record.

Old fashioned TV dinners are "cheap" or "unhealthy", right?! Whatever! They're no different than the frozen pizzas or frozen waffles in your freezer.  Go open up your freezer and look. Look at your frozen foods! Yeah, those frozen fruits you got there, and the vegetables! Whaaaaaaaat you mean you didn't grow your own vegetable?! You know what, we're all the same (unless you do happen to grow your own vegetables and do things 100% organic). Otherwise we all like the convenient, no-talent cooking, easy lifestyle. So to make a long story short, I ate a "Hungry Man"! I was hungry, I wanted to eat something without cooking, so I at the Turkey meal and I'm not hungry anymore! I'm not condoning eating high-caloric, super-sodium, bad-carb, comfort-meals all the time, but sometimes :)

Yesterday I was out looking for a video game called Halo Reach, yes an old game, but Alex broke his a long time ago and I was hoping to replace it. We were in the game isle and Andy saw "Diablo III". He commented on how much he wanted it, but he knew we weren't going to buy it! Uh, No! Except...we did! Well, I bought it because I knew he really wanted it so I kind of felt bad that he didn't get it, so I surprised him. After I left the store I told him I bought him a surprise. He said, "Oh really?" I told him, "Guess what it is.", and he said, "I'm pretty sure I already know." yeah, he was right. Funny thing, though, after he found out that he now owns Diable III, he kept finding reasons to go home. It was funny! He was discreetly mentioning stuff that he needed to do at the house. I know he wanted to make a beeline home just to play his game. So I cut the trip short and came home.  

I told Andy, "why don't we take our laptops, go up to the bedroom, and just chill side by side on the bed". Usually that means Andy plays a game on his laptop, and I open up 7 different windows on mine: my usual spread =Facebook, Twitter, gmail, ancestry.com, new.familysearch.org, a news link, and of course YouTube, so I can watch documentaries in the background (especially Neil Oliver documentaries). 

Around 8 pm I noticed myself getting hungry so I told Andy that we would have to eat TV dinners tonight. Then I asked him if he could "cook" them. HAHA Hard job! It took about an hour, I guess. I went down and grabbed the meals, put them on a tray with a glass of milk, and brought them upstairs  I had my laptop, he had his, we both put on our headphones (yes the big giant ones because they block out the noise and they sound the best!) and we went about our own agenda, but ate peacefully in our bed! Alone, but together. Or maybe together but alone. :) Whatever the case, we were happy to be around each other but doing our own thing!

That is why I appreciate the good 'ol TV dinner! Because in that moment, those boxed turkey and gravy provisions were kind of like a monument to our relationship! Symbolic of our marriage, if you will. How you ask? It's like this: Andy and I are at the point in our lives where, and mind you we've been together for 22 years, we like to be around each other, but we don't necessarily like to be with each other every moment of the day.  We both appreciate each other, and like being able to sit next to each other, but we also like that we don't have to give 100% of our attention to one another. If you ask me, I prefer doing my own thing while he's working on his. It's like a baby learning to play on their own, they peak around the corner to confirm that mommy's still there, and after they confirm it they go back to playing on their own. Sometimes we can be in the same house all day and not see each other for hours! You see, we both love our personal space! Now, do I mind that he can play a computer game for hours at a time? Once in awhile! But not too often. Most of the time I don't mind because I get to do things my way. All by myself. I get the personal space I need! That's what I really want in life...personal space! 

I know it's not healthy for all couples to be independently entertained like this, but it's great for us. I'm glad that I've come to grips with the fact that Andy and I are just not like a lot of couples who can just talk and talk and talk to each other all day! They can do everything together! Watch movies together, play games together, fold laundry together, clean together! I can't figure out why anyone would want that. Yes, we do talk, but it's usually when we are out walking the dogs, or in the car, or when something really needs to be discussed. Mostly it's right before we fall asleep at bedtime. Other than that, we like our silence. Maybe it's because we're so used to Alex filling the air with noise 24 hours a day that by the time that child is done talking we are exhausted! Anyway, don't be surprised if ever you call looking for Andy and I tell you, "I don't know where he is, I'll have to go find him."  It's true! 

We are having a romantic evening with TV dinners !
 OK the cheesy pic  is my idea, of course.
 He really loves me to go along with it like he does! 

On a final note, we sure are some old folks set in our ways. That's hard to swallow that fact when you want your spouse to do things differently at times. Who doesn't? But I've had to face the fact that we're all grown up now, and no one is changing. We are who we are! Strange! With Andy and me, you can't have one without the other. The storms we've weathered together have made us rock solid, even though once in awhile we want to push the other one off the face of the earth, it's just what happens when two people become too much like one another. Bummer! But yeah, 20 years of marriage, what can you expect? TV dinners.